Covid-19 Helps Discover Errors in the Bible

2021-08-24

Covid-19 pandemic helped us discover lots of things.

We learnt that basic human rights are conditional and temporary. That it’s a responsible thing to report your neighbors and parents to the state. We learn that government has unlimited amount of money and we can all be rich without working and spend borrowed money with no consequences.

We also discovered that we are weak, cowardly and that a totalitarian state is a good thing. As long as it’s for our safety, of course.

Which is always.

And just as covid-19 is totally different than a flu, so are the house arrests, curfues, social, travel and work restrictions totally different that those from Soviet Union or Nazi regimes. Because our tyranny is democratic and it is for our safety. And those other tyrannies were ugly, they were far far away and long time ago, so there. Also, people back then were stupid and blindly obeyed evil leaders. And we are smart and blindly obey completely different leaders.

Therefore please stop comparing those things. They are so totally, completely, utterly different. And if not, we’ll make you.

What about Bible?

Covid-19 taught us all that. Let’s be thankful for those lessons. But the glorious experience of pandemic has shown us so much more!

For example it exposed obvious mistakes in the Bible. Just look at this sentence:

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed” (2 Cor 3:18)

Some other translations say “open faces”, but the meaning is always the same: face without a cover!

But wait a minute, isn’t it a sin?…

As we already know in most of the world, praying with unveiled face is strictly forbidden and illegal. So it’s a sin. The government and doctor can never be wrong, as they are basically your local Jesus. So this must be a mistake in the Bible. Probably a typo. Here’s a corrected sentence:

“And we all, who standing 2 meters from each other and masks on our faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed”

That looks much better and makes much more sense.

But wait, there’s more. Take a look at this:

“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise” (James 5:13)

It’s absurd.

First, singing in a church has been forbidden by prime ministers all over the world. Therefore it is a sin. Prime minister is your local Jesus. Obey.

Secondly, if you are suffering, you probably have a covid. And if you’re not suffering, you probably have asymptomatic covid. That’s what the science says, don’t argue.

Now think about it for a second. If God has always known that Covid-19 would be the worst sickness in the history of humanity, would he allow something like that to be in the Bible? Of course not! That sentence must clearly be an error.

Here’s what was in the original, I’m sure:

“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him get a test. Is anyone cheerful? Let him also get a test. And above all, let him stop singing praises to God immediately”

So please correct your Bibles. Correct them now. Before Google and Facebook do it for you.

And to all of you, who call yourself Christians and have already stopped singing to God, meeting each other, visiting sick, hugging unhappy and smiling to other people, to you I wan to say: congratulations!

Because you have been acting responsibly and corrected two thousand years of mistakes of Christians! And of Jesus himself. You have realized that cowardice is the way of a true believer in Covid.

I mean: in God. See how easy it is to make a mistake these days?

So fix your Bibles. Do it now.

Or else.

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